1. The last time you wore a white dress was at your First Communion.
2. Your interior décor is a riot of color and pattern, with the notable absence of anything cream, eggshell, or ivory.
3. White clothing of any sort conjures adjectives including staid, twee, and boring.
4. When you imagined your wedding as a child, you pictured yourself walking down the aisle in a hot pink tutu, bedazzled jeans, or printed leg warmers — but never a white gown.
5. Attempting to try on white wedding gowns prompts an allergic reaction à la Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City.
6. You simply can’t muster any enthusiasm for browsing white wedding gowns.
7. You would sooner stride down the aisle in Lady Gaga’s meat dress than sport a white dress.
8. Your mother has joked she might swoon on the spot if you wore white for your wedding.
9. Your heart skips a beat when you try on pastel tuxedos, amethyst midi dresses, or black ballgowns.
10. You often find yourself wondering if sporting your favorite boyfriend jeans down the aisle would be completely out of the question.
11. You feel your most beautiful in clothing that isn’t white and floor-length.